I've been faffing around all day. I’m tired and ready for bed. I’m sitting on the edge of the bed. I’ve checked emails and the news on my phone. I’ve read a few pages of my book. And now, at last, I’m putting my light out and going to sleep.
Ah!
There’s a stupid fly buzzing around me. Got it with fly spray!
Ah!
Now there are two big fat black cockroaches climbing my curtain. Or maybe the same one twice. I sprayed it three times with crawling insect spray but it just ran away. I notice the can says “For outdoor use only”. Bollocks! I’ve just poisoned myself.
Then it came back, or its mate did, and I sprayed that as well.
Then one came out from under the bed on the other side looking drunk. I sprayed it again and it ran away.
Lastly one came back out from under the bed looking peaky. I grabbed it with a hunk of tissue paper and flushed it away.
So now I'm left wondering whether there was one, two or three of them.
How do I sleep now?